Emotional Whirlwinds

Emotional Whirlwinds

When your life is turned around 360 degrees, there are moments of panic, confusion and chaos. We are human, so feelings and emotions both good and bad run rampant when life is altered in a big way.
Boy, is my life being altered. So, I have to make choices. Here is what I have learned, not just because we are selling Angelwalk and all the dreams and visions I believed were attached to our home, but because my life is not my own; I freely gave my life to Jesus, so now I freely choose to accept what He desires to do with my life.
When I cry out, I ask The Holy Spirit to “show me”. I’m a visual person, I prefer black and white with slight shades of gray, and I do not like to function in the unknowns.
Well, guess where Jesus has placed me?
Smack dab in the middle of “what now?!”
I recognize the Holy Spirit teaches each of us differently when we cry out to Him. I have such a desire to cry out for the “deep” and “greater than” that sometimes I have to be reminded that asking and expecting MORE comes with a price. I was reminded of that today by my prayer partner; it was a priceless gift.
How can I expect the “greater than” if I am not willing to give up what I have, be disciplined and honed, and trust my Jesus with the answers to why I was given life?
Always, in some manner, my Savior answers me. Today He answered me so simply that I felt like I was yanked by my ankles into such depth that I am still having a hard time catching my breath.
Matthew 14.
I’ve read this chapter so many times, yet only now do I feel the grief and the joy. It applies to me and it will apply to you if you ask the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of your heart.
Imagine this scenario—feel it, see it, and smell it. Open your heart to accept both grief and joy.
Jesus’ cousin, whom He knew in the womb of His mother Mary, has just been murdered. Like a moth squashed while dancing around an open flame, John the Baptist was blithely beheaded in the midst of a drunken orgy by the calculated evil of a woman who used her daughter and the Jezebel spirit attached to her.
Jesus LOVED John. John KNEW Jesus was the Messiah. John gave his entire life to preparing Jesus’ way upon this earth. He was given the incredible honor of baptizing Jesus and opening up the anointing of Heaven and Abba Father for Jesus’ ministry to begin. Though John could have chosen a different path after Jesus’ ministry began, he did not. If anything, he increased his ministry to reveal evil and announce the arrival of Israel’s Messiah.
How deeply John must have loved Jesus. But then, the love Jesus had for John was greater, just as His love for us is greater than ours for Him.
When Jesus heard of John’s brutal murder, our Lord must have been devastated. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to grieve, He wanted to take time to talk to His Father. But in His grief, He had a choice. People knew where Jesus had gone—a solitary place in the mountains. They came by the thousands. He stood in His grief and made a choice so precious that I keep reading it over and over:
“…He had compassion on them….”
He saw His children and had pity and deep sympathy for them when He, Himself, was deeply grieving.
Think how tired Jesus must have been. Feel His grief. Imagine the overwhelming needs of a crowd greater than 5,000 people. Envision the disciples trying to maintain order with people pulling at Jesus from every direction. Understand that the disciples KNEW Jesus was grieving for His cousin John.
I see Jesus at this moment, and the word “compassion” takes on a deeper, living meaning; a noun that is so descriptive its significance seems bottomless. It is a word that pulses.
Then I hear Jesus say, “Bring them here to Me.”
One short, little sentence about fish and bread, but the vast significance of His sentence is unfathomable to me.
“Bring them here to Me ….”
Jesus feeds the multitudes, but is that as deep as it goes?
Later, Jesus must be alone. He has to grieve for His friend, cousin and predecessor. He has to have time with Abba. He has given His all, and it is paramount that He recharges His mind and Spirit.
When the Father releases Him to rejoin His disciples, it is somewhere between three and six A.M. The disciples are on the sea, unaware of Jesus’ whereabouts.
Tired, sleepy, worn-out, the men bob upon the waters that will forever be remembered—a deep, vast body of water that looks fathomless in the pre-dawn light.
Jesus has no doubt as to what their reaction will be. He understands their response to His appearance. He is walking on the water as if it were glass or a frozen sheet of ice. He has been with His Father; He is filled to overflowing with love, mercy and compassion.
“Take courage,” Jesus says as His disciples cry out in terror—as their boat rocks with chaos and confusion.
“It is I—your Savior—do not be afraid.”

“Bring ‘them’ here to Me…”
“It is I; do not be afraid…”

Though I cry out for understanding, I don’t need much more than the words Jesus spoke in Matthew 14. Jesus greatly loves me, just as He does you, with a love so profound that all we need to do is bring our all to Him, and never be afraid.
Once we release, the miracles He can do and desires to do, will take our breath away.

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